ZQ Retold Part 3: A Plan

Note: This story, along with the previous one, both chronicle the events of the second original ZQ story. Expect this to happen a lot in ZQ Retold.


Once inside, Abe painfully yanked his shoulder back into place, and ran into the basement.
The basement was just as they had left it. The only sign that an alien invasion had begun was the Goblin on the floor. Abe felt it’s hand. It was stone cold, so it had likely died.

Forget it, he thought. Why did I think this would be like a book, where I defeat the bad guys and save the world? All I can do is just try to survive. Maybe the government will stop these aliens, and life will go back to normal.

What about Tyler and Caleb?, a voice in his head asked.

No point. They won’t even let me help them. Probably right of them, too. All I’d do is just claim responsibility for everything. They’d be better off without me.

“Abe! We’ll die without you!”, Caleb shouted.

So, they do need me, I guess I have no choice, Abe thought as he ran out of the basement.

Inside, he found Tyler and Caleb.

“The giant came back. He didn’t see us yet, but if he does, he’ll destroy the house and we’ll die. We need you to help us kill that thing”, said Caleb.

“What do you mean you need me? Just a bit ago you didn’t even want me to help you!”, Abe told Tyler and Caleb.

“You could barely move your shoulder! It was for your own good!”, Tyler responded.

“Stop fighting! If you two can’t agree on anything, then I’ll come up with the plan”, Caleb told them. “Abe, did you fix your shoulder?”

“Yeah”, he replied.

“Then you and Tyler bait the giant toward that tree outside. I’ll climb it and take out the giant”

“Wait here, Abe” Tyler told him as he ran into the garage. He came back with a can of gasoline and a box of matches.

Abe’s face lit up. “I’ve always wanted to set someone on fire without feeling guilty”, he said, taking the gas can and matches.

“Good idea, Tyler”, Caleb said. “I’ll be at my window, waiting until you distract him”

As soon as Abe and Tyler left the house, the giant turned on them. Tyler stabbed at the giant’s foot, making a small cut. He jumped back just in time to miss the giant’s foot. The foot smashed into the house, trapping it. As soon as it did, Tyler began to whack at the foot.

“Abe, your turn!”, Tyler yelled as he hacked away at the rough, green skin.

Abe lit a match, and held it against the foot. It singed the foot, but it didn’t seem to do anything.

“Guys, run!”, Caleb called from the window.

As they ran, Abe and Tyler heard a deep, gurgling scream, followed by a massive thud. The two turned around, and saw the Goblin lying dead on the ground.

“Those matches of yours didn’t work at all”, Abe told Tyler. Tyler looked down at his Goblin-bloodstained feet preparing for another argument.

“But that was a good plan”, said Abe, weakly smiling.

“Thanks”, said Tyler.

“Incoming!”, Caleb called from the house. A high-pitched roar sounded from somewhere nearby. Another giant, or something even worse?

ZQ Retold Part 2: Creative Title Here (I'm tired, and can't think of a good title)

In the eight minutes or so the three of them had been in the basement, the backyard had been transformed into a warzone. As Caleb said, two windows had been broken, and a table on which snacks had been placed was overturned, littering the grass with potato chips and watermelon. Off in the distance, emergency sirens wailed, and smoke rose.

Tyler pulled a cellphone out of his pocket and jabbed in 911. A moment later, he threw the phone down. “No signal”, he spat. “Let’s-” He was interrupted by a whooping chant. It sounded like “cure a cow, cure a cow”. Abe, Caleb, and Tyler looked towards the source of the chant.

Leather tunics upon their chests.

Red, beady eyes inside their heads

Ten right hands, in each a bow, or a spiked, wooden club.

The Goblin had called his friends.

And he had a lot of friends.

Deep within the brain of every human is the instinct that kept our species alive through the prehistoric years: The urge to survive. As humanity progressed, this instinct became less and less important, until it became nearly superfluous. However, it has not disappeared entirely. Occasionally, when a person feels they are in great danger, the survival instinct will take control.

This was one of those times.

Abe’s eyes darted around the yard, searching for something to use as a weapon. His eyes landed on a shovel. It was lying on a nearby pile of fertilizer bags. He ran to the bags, and grabbed the shovel. He looked over and saw Tyler and Caleb fighting off Goblins with a trowel and a stick against the wall of the house.

He ran over to join them, and swung the shovel toward a Goblin. With an earsplitting crash! it smashed through a window, sending shards of broken glass into the kitchen.

“Abe!” shouted Tyler, as he stabbed his stick into the face of a Goblin. “Look!”, he said, pointing up at something.

A shadow fell over the backyard. The Goblin forces ran as the ground shook. Abe looked up, and saw a giant.

It looked just like the Goblins they were fighting, except it didn’t have a bow, and a toga-like garment replaced a tunic. That, and it was twice the size of the houses that lined the street.

The giant Goblin swung its massive foot towards Abe, snapping the branches of the tree that overlooked the driveway in two. Abe jumped back, and fell into the Jones’ car.

He slid to the ground, and saw the giant looming above him. It raised it’s gargantuan foot high above the car, and stomped down on it.

The car was crushed like a soda can, sending pieces of metal, plastic, and glass flying into the air. Abe watched as a chunk of what had, until two seconds ago, been the car’s door sail over his head and smash against the wall, destroying the fertilizer that Abe had pulled his shovel from. Abe looked over, and saw a Goblin running towards him. He felt around for his shovel, and noticed, with a sinking heart, that he had thrown it away when he jumped away from the giant’s foot. The Goblin pulled back his bowstring and…

...crumpled to the ground.

Abe saw Caleb, his face full of fury, pulling his trowel out of the Goblin’s head. As he did, Abe noticed a dark blue liquid covering the trowel where it had gone into the Goblin’s head.

“Thanks”, Abe said as Caleb pulled him up.

Abe ran to his shovel, and picked it up. Suddenly, he was thrust into shadows, not to mention that special, unique locker-room-when-the-janitor-is-home-sick smell. He looked up, and got his first look at the giant’s foot.

It was slightly bigger that a sedan, and covered with blackened, bulbous warts the size of baseballs. Here and there, bits of metal and plastic were wedged in the foot, probably from when it had destroyed the car. Suddenly, it all came flying towards him.

His mind wild with fear and anger, Abe jumped back. The giant turned it’s gargantuan head down towards him, just in time to see Abe, screaming with fury, stab his shovel into it’s toa.

Abe pulled with all his might on the shovel, but he couldn’t pull it out. Abe looked up into the Goblins massive face. If he had been closer, he might have seen pleasure and realization cross it’s green, warty face.

Before Abe knew it, his feet had left the ground. The shock that jumped into his mind was so great he let go of the shovel without thinking, and plummeted to the ground.

His shoulder was throbbing with pain, and he heard footsteps coming towards him. Not knowing if they were his friends coming to save him, or Goblins coming to finish him off, he jerked his head up, and looked into the worried face of Tyler.

“What was that?”, he shouted into Tyler’s face. Tyler jumped back in surprise.

“You fell. I’ll help you up”

Tyler pulled Abe to his feet. “Get inside. Caleb and I can finish this.”

“What? No! You’ll kill yourselves! You two go in and I’ll finish this.”, Abe exclaimed.

“Abe, you dislocated your shoulder. Do you want to die?”, Tyler retorted.

“No, but you will, if you try to tackle that thing alone”, said Abe, gesturing toward the giant, which had walked across the street and was tearing a tree out of Cy’s lawn.

“Abe, get-”, Tyler was interrupted as the tree plowed into the ground, destroying a small shed in which Tyler’s parents kept gardening supplies. A cloud of dirt rose into the air, obscuring Abe and Tyler’s vision.

Suddenly, a Goblin ran up behind Abe, and knocked him over. Before he knew what happened, the Goblin was pressing a rusty knife against his throat, and hissing at him.

And then, just as fast as the Goblin had attacked, it died.

Abe looked up to see Caleb pulling a garden trowel out of the Goblins back, dripping blue.

“Get inside. If one Goblin almost kills you, there’s no way you can face a giant-”

“Fine!”, Abe shouted. He painfully pushed himself off the ground, and angrily stomped inside.

The Cow Chronicles Part 2 (Finally): An Old Acquantaince

Running through the middle of the small, unnamed Wisconsin town where this story takes place was Main Street. It was, quite possibly, the most generic Main Street ever created. You could have moved the entire street to a different town, and it would fit in perfectly. It was as if every aspect of the street was ticking a box for “small town Main Street,”

It was a Sunday evening, and most of the businesses were closing for the night. Tired citizens shuffled to their cars, which in turn sleepily rolled down the street. A breeze picked up, blowing a crumpled newspaper across the sidewalk. It skittered past the generic stores, until it came to a stop in front of an electronics store, where it was stepped upon.

Farmer Bob stopped and looked down at the tattered newspaper. LOCAL FARMER AWARDED CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF FREEDOM the headline proclaimed. Below it was a picture of Farmer Joe smiling and waving. Bob clenched his fist in fury, and stomped furiously across the street to the only store still open. The crimson glow of EXPOSITION ELECTRONICS flickered on and off, illuminating the battered concrete of the sidewalk. Farmer Bob angrily shoved open the door.

Exposition Electronics was a small store, with barely anything inside. There was only a bank of muted televisions facing the window, a small display case full of cellphones, and a desk where a man wearing a trench coat and sunglasses typed away on a laptop.

“Welcome to Exposition Electronics how can I help.” A disembodied, male-sounding voice emanated from somewhere within the trench coat.

“It’s me, you idiot!” Farmer Bob shouted as he lunged at the figure, tearing off the trench coat and sunglasses. Below them sat a pig tapping away on a small, grey tablet. “It’s finally time to get those cows!”

“Yes I remember”, the pig replied.

Farmer Bob pulled out a cell phone, and dialed a phone number.

(Yes, I know this story is pretty short, but I want to start up again slowly so I can post more than once a month)

Coming soon. . .

Once upon a time, Arthur Borglestein and Astatanius had an idea. An idea by the name of Portal Before Portal, or PBP. At the time, it was nothing more than a simple Portal LARP.

But that’s not what you think of when you think of PBP. You probably think of Arthur Borglestein's story series that ran from March 2015 to July 2016 well-known for B-movie-quality dialogue, convoluted storytelling, and characters that are nothing more than robots who give exposition and advance the plot.

BUT. . .before all that it was a simple and humble LARP. And we’ll be looking at the story of it.

WHAT is a Minnid?

WHO is President Snaders?
HOW did we add the X-Files into this thing?

WHEN did we begin this whole thing?

All of this and much, much more will be answered in an upcoming exposé entitled. . .

THE RISE AND FALL OF PBP

COMING MARCH 2017 TO ASTATANIUS’ ALLITERATED ALLEGORIES

The unvarnished truth

So, you may have noticed that, except for a few posts that I've tried to use as excuses for not writing, this blog has become inactive. So, I might as well explain the truth about why I've mostly stopped writing.

I've been going through a lot of emotional stuff lately that I won't go into because A: it's too complicated for a blog post, and B: explaining your feelings on the Internet is like trying to kayak in a volcano.

Combine that with a lot of work I've had to do recently and you get the polar opposite of a good writing environment.

So, after that, am I abandoning this blog?

No. The work I've had to do has mostly gone away, and so has the emotional stuff. I DESPERATELY hope to start writing again, but I probably won't post as often as Arthur.

So, in the meantime, enjoy a website Arthur doesn't want you to see!
~Astatanius